I actually moved the refrigerator the other night so that I could clean underneath and behind it. I bought a Swiffer mop and Clorox wipes (wonderful product, no more sponges) for the first time and was wiping the kitchen cupboards just to test them. I even vacuumed! Armed with brand new supplies, cleaning actually took on a Zen like quality for me. (Yeah, the maid used to live here but she apparently walked out some time ago without giving notice . . . not sure what happened there . . . *nervous laugh.*)
Cleaning the dust off the back of the refrigerator? Seriously? The cleaning and even my ramblings about the cleaning are absolutely about masking that underlying discomfort and ignoring those voices that want so desperately to be acknowledged rather than ignored. The ignoring thing still isn’t working for me. I just find more interesting ways of ignoring them but why? So far, I can’t come up with a believable answer to that.
The time has come to put on my big girl pants and shine the light of presence on the fears being shouted by those Toads of mine of which there are about 7. So, right here, right now, I'm holding court. One by one I’ll ask each of them to check in and voice their concerns and I’m going to put it out there for the world to see. Put a clothespin on your nose cause the dirty laundry is gonna get stinky.
The 7 deadly Toads that now sit on the board of directors of my Venomous Toad Committee are as follows along with a few of their more outrageous croaks. Do you recognize yourself in here anywhere? Some of these make me laugh outright and when I write them down I realize just how ridiculous they sound which is helpful in diffusing their power over me.
15 years of creating 3 dimensional paper art forms is still not enough experience to start my e-bay auctions for anything higher than somewhere below minimum wage. (Whaaaat?)
I'm gonna die in my chair working for someone else because I'll never make enough money to support myself with my art. (I'd like to buy myself a clue . . . refer to previous fear)
Cleverly Disguised Excuses
If I start the project, I might mess up and have to start over. (wouldn't be the first time) I’ll think about it while watching a 10- year old re-run of the X-Files and start my project tomorrow. (awareness is the first step)
I’ve got 800 pieces of decorative paper and every craft supply in the known universe but not one of them is suitable for my project. I need more supplies before I can start. (Is the piece of paper I don't have really the hot issue here?)
My idea for a book is too different for the publisher to like it or take it seriously. (I'm only giving them a book proposal, not a terminal disease.)
I’m not qualified enough to publish articles and books. (This might actually be true if I were writing about ice fishing in Antarctica)
I can’t create an online selling website because I have other things I need to do first. (like clean dust from behind the refrigerator?)
I don’t know enough to be able to offer any kind of useful information to others. (and yet somehow I've found the courage to maintain a network of 700+ members hmmm . . . . )
The Time Trap
I’ll be dead in 50 years so why didn’t I start doing this sooner? (50 good reasons to start NOW!)
You shouldn’t be writing these fears here. None of them are any good compared to what I’ve read about others. (Did I really write this?)
I encourage you to make a list of your fears. Do not censor, just write. There were actually many, many more fears on my list and not one of them really makes any sense to me. Generally, when it comes right down to it, no fear really does and 90% of what we fear never happens anyway so why waste the energy? If you take me up on the challenge and post your fears, feel free to leave a comment and link to your post.
Images are digitally altered portions of decorative papers created by Brenda Walton for K & Company.